Seen

I just want to be seen.

All of me, not just the parts I carefully choose to show you. That “me” is based on your preconceptions, my fears, and our history (or lack thereof). I just want to be seen.

I don’t want to be seen.

Let your eyes slide right past me, my words go unnoticed. When you ask me a question, I panic, fearing to reveal too much. I don’t want to be seen.

There is no contradiction here.

I just want to be seen…and loved for what you see. I don’t want to be seen…and rejected, ridiculed, reviled. Which direction I go depends on your reaction, and the reactions of all who have come before you, whether you know them or not. It depends on how much risk I want to take, to gamble that this time will be different. And you should know: the odds are not even.

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4 thoughts on “Seen

  1. Brilliant post! This really resonates with me. I grapple with this issue often. Thank you for writing this! Very thoughtful piece; you fleshed out the idea very nicely ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Very true for me too!
    Am usually invisible which can be soul destroying and yet when I notice that I’m noticed I can become insecure. I put this down to living a life in the faux pas lane and automatically feel being noticed in association with that self- consciousness “transgressing” the NT taboos.

    Speaking out takes courage for the marginalised neurodivergent particularly if a huge part of life has been wandering in the wilderness of seeking answers to one’s difference without the “words” to communicate and understand self as an autistic person… context so valuable for /to me.

    Thanks for sharing EA I don’t feel so alone knowing that others feel the same. Similarities in being different.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment! I do think a lot of us feel this way, and when it goes on for a long time it can be very draining. I, too, appreciate knowing that I’m not alone in this. 🙂

      Like

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