Approaching Accommodations

Now that I finally understand that I am autistic, and can point to at least some of the ways in which that has affected my life, I am able to rethink many of my experiences in new ways. Like many other people whose autism went unrecognized until adulthood, I feel able to look back with new eyes, especially on those places where I struggled. Just as with words, meaning changes with context.

I am also starting to think about how I can bring that understanding into my present work and home life. Now that I know (at least a little better) what kinds of support and/or accommodations I might need, how can I go about creating or asking for them?

Up until this point, I have gone through life without accommodations — or rather, it would be more accurate to say that I have made self-accommodations. My relationships, my living arrangements, and my employment choices have all been influenced by my own sense of what worked for me and what did not. In most situations I have made changes when I felt things reach a breaking point, rather than continuing on and getting, well, broken.

But the trouble is, outside the context of disability, self-accommodation can easily look like failure; you just can’t handle the things other people seem to be able to. Even asking for accommodation (again, without that context) will often be seen as complaining. And gaining this context for myself doesn’t always help when it comes to support I need from other people, especially in situations where I am not sure how much to disclose.

And now… I’m not sure what else I want to say at this point; I only got this far by sort of thinking out loud. The main thing is that I don’t really know how to do this — after all, I grew up not knowing I even had a disability. And I’m sure that as I start to ask for the things I need, some people will interpret that as meaning that I’m not disabled enough to need supports. It’s a vicious circle.

Of course, the ideal situation would be if everyone, disabled or not, could ask for what they need without being seen as a whiner, a troublemaker, or a burden. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, as well as preferences for how we can do our best work. So let’s just build that world, and this whole question will be moot. Easy peasy. 😉

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